Many times we draw a long list of what to do but forget what not to do to create enough room for what to do. It’s like buying new clothes to change your wardrobe without letting go of the old stock. It’s like putting old and new wine in the same bottle. You won’t get the optimum taste.
If truly you are growing, some things that used to matter to you will stop bothering you. If everything that mattered to you years ago still matter to you today, please check. You may just be adding years to your life but not life to your years. Both are important.
This happened to me many years ago in Lagos. A commercial bus driver recklessly broke my side mirror in traffic. In a matter of minutes, mediators gathered to appease me to let go of the driver but I refused. Why should I let him go without paying for my mirror? I quipped.
After over two hours, some of the mediators got tired of begging me (or so I thought) and left. I also got tired of being begged and was ready to let go to continue my journey. It was only then I realised that my other mirror had been dismembered from my car. I wasted my time, wasted my energy and lost two mirrors instead of one.
It occurred to me that some of the mediators were thieves who came, not to make peace, but to shadow, to steal and to destroy. Today, if you hit my car and I don’t suffer any injury, you will see me continuing my journey to check the damage later. You will wonder what manner of man is this but you won’t understand. Once I was young but now I am growing. Some things that used to matter to me don’t matter anymore.
Life is a journey, it comes in phases. There are things you hope and pray for at certain stages of your life. A good way to measure your progress is to check regularly your “to do list”. If it remains constant over a long period of time, then you need a “not to do list” to free some space. When things are not adding up, start subtracting.
Your priority should define your growth pattern. Some things you competed for yesterday should either be given to you as of right today or they don’t matter to you anymore. This is the true definition of “as your days are, so shall your strength be”.
If you shouted to correct your children in their early teens and you still shout to correct them in their adolescence, review your “to do list”. If you competed with your friends for grade in high school and you are still competing with them for material acquisition in your 40s and 50s, you have to be vigilant. You may be running someone else’s race, after all. Such races lead you to nowhere.
This reminds me of the quadrant for self discovery and rediscovery. As you measure your progress, you will find the below useful at every step of the journey:
- Things to start
- Things to eliminate
- Things to recreate
- Things to reduce
Quadrants 1 and 3 constitute your “to do list”. Quadrants 2 and 4 fall inside your “not to do list” basket. You can see that it is 50:50. One is not more important than the other.
Reflect on this and thank me later.
©️Akin Oluwadare Jnr
17 January 2022
