Have you ever experienced kindness from someone before and when you say thank you he tells you not to mention it? It’s a common occurrence. Sometimes he even goes further to say it is the least he can do, hence don’t mention.
Can I tell you something? Please mention it. If possible, mention it again. Nine times out of ten, he is waiting for you to mention it so he can have the opportunity to tell you not to mention it. Even if it is the least he can do for you, still mention it. Not mentioning it sends a message not intended but oftentimes implied. Every man (and woman) likes to be appreciated.
Beyond the gratitude the beneficiary of your kindness expresses, there is a more interesting side to being kind. It is the indescribable feeling of self gratification when you show kindness. For every act of kindness you show, there is an unspoken feeling. That feeling is more gratifying. I call it personalised kindness.
I followed a radio phone-in programme recently. The topic was the appeal from the Federal Medical Centre, Owo to potential blood donors to survivors of the Owo massacre where about 40 innocent worshippers were murdered in cold blood. Again, I pray that the souls of the deceased find rest and may God comfort all the bereaved families.
One of the callers to the radio programme opened my inner mind to being kind. He said beyond the feeling of satisfaction that he is saving a life when he donates his blood, there is an added joy and reassurance that he is fit and healthy. Reason is that only tested and certified blood can be accepted for transfusion to a needy patient. That got me thinking. It tells me that I’m helping myself when I help others.
When a candle is lit by another candle, the two glow together without one losing its value or purpose. The first of the two candles to be lit could glow without the other and it would still fulfill its purpose but there is a feeling of satisfaction that comes with knowing that someone else is fulfilling his purpose on account of your kindness.
Pause for a moment and reflect on this. If you help someone to secure a job, the inner feeling of satisfaction that your little kindness is putting food on someone’s table transcends all the show of gratitude you may get from the beneficiary of your kindness. The latter is outward driven but the other is intrinsic. Check, whenever you are driven by intrinsic rewards, you are more fulfilled.
Sometimes, you don’t get to know what you don’t have until you give what you have. However knowledgeable you may be, when you teach what you know, you learn what you don’t know. Maya Angelou said “when you get, give; when you learn, teach”. To that I can relate. Knowledge without impartation helps no one, not even yourself.
Don’t get it mixed up. Giving is not restricted to material wealth. Great minds don’t define riches by money and what money can buy. No wonder Bob Marley said “some people are so poor, all they have is money”.
The purpose of a candle is to illuminate. When a candle is lit, it is placed on the lamp stand to shine and provide light in darkness. Only then can it be said to be fulfilling its purpose. What drives you to be kind? Intrinsic or extrinsic rewards? Personalise your kindness. It’s more profitable.
©️Akin Oluwadare Jnr
20 June 2022
