The easiest response to give for failure is an excuse. Sometimes it is sugarcoated with sweet words to increase the market worth. Some give excuse with pride to showcase their ego and veil their shame, others give excuse laden with pity to appeal to the conscience of the would be buyer but it is almost impossible to solve a problem that you don’t admit. The other day I watched the recorded video of a mother where she blamed everyone but herself for the ignoble act of her daughter in a viral video of young students of a private school on a school trip that got tongues wagging. She blamed her daughter’s school for exposing her child to sexual violence and asked for justice for her ‘innocent’ daughter. What better way to describe successful failure in parenting?

Why do we do what we do? Purpose. There is always a reason behind any action you take. At different stages in life, you do things for different reasons. At the early stages, it is more about yourself. As you graduate in age and accomplishments, the focus begins to shift from self to others. That is the true test of growth. If you check, satisfying others at the maturity stage means satisfying yourself. You may not be able to define your satisfaction at this stage by intrinsic rewards for yourself but by the extrinsic rewards others get when you are fulfilling your own purpose. A word describes the feeling at this stage succinctly - impact.

She loved me and I knew it. I loved her and I won’t deny. I pretended that she needed me more but the hidden truth was that I desired her more than I showed. I thought I had her in my palm but I lost her to another man who was not pretentious. If you spare me a moment I’ll tell you a story. It is more private than you would imagine but if I don’t share it, who will? We learn more from stories that touch the heart. I decided to share this so I can lend my voice to what women suffer in abusive marriage, just to prove a point that does not exist. Let’s face it, men also suffer abuse in marriage than is usually reported. By the nature of men, news are made only when things have reached a crescendo. Haven’t we heard of men who paid the supreme price just because they chose to love? Abuse in marriage has become such a big threat to life. If we choose to be silent, this monster will continue to fester.

This is not a political post. The political atmosphere is charged, no doubt. Hence, it is not unexpected to read meaning to the subject of this post. Let me say with emphasis that as a leadership coach, the topic I chose for discourse today is more about leadership than politics and I take full responsibility for any reaction this post may attract. I met Professor Yemi Osinbajo (SAN) for the first time ever at the Fountain of Life Church, Lagos sometimes in 2009. The occasion was the annual Word Explosion conference of The Fountain of Life Church where Pastor Osinbajo was a guest minister. Aside the fact that Pastor Osinbajo is a friend to the Senior Pastor of The Fountain of Life Church, his younger brother, Akin Osinbajo (SAN) is also a Pastor in the church.

“Those who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones that actually do”. This is an excerpt from Steve Jobs’ epoch making speech to the staff of Apple some years back during the “Think different” campaign. Unarguably, Apple products have changed the world. Many times we think about the future as if it is far away but more often, the future comes knocking on our door before we know it. You can actually bring the future closer by the action you take today, particularly if you still have all the time to make a choice and chart a course for yourself. I remember in my secondary school days when everyone wanted to be a medical doctor, a lawyer, an accountant or an engineer. The popular mantra then was professional course and you were made to prepare for this challenge by the choice of subjects you offered.

If you are that upwardly mobile young man or woman who is still at your prime, if you still have full vigour and the benefit of flexibility to take decisions that affect your life and growth, let us have a dialogue. We may not totally agree on all the issues but let’s get into it. I will come back to figure 6. There is this young man I know. Very diligent, hardworking and reasonably ambitious. I knew him through a cousin of his and he offered that I should be his mentor. I saw in him a promising young man and I accepted his offer with gladness. He was a messenger in the organisation he was working with at the time but he was determined to make a success of his situation. We agreed that we should be in constant touch. He enrolled in a university as a distant learner. Slowly but steadily, he progressed in his studies and we kept regular touch.

I used to trust without reservation. I believe that it is good nature to trust and give the benefit of the doubt but experience has taught me that it is safer to trust, but verify. Permit me to say that what we label as betrayals, sometimes, are expectations taken too far. Those who moderate their expectations experience less disappointments and when they do, they are able to carry on without bruises. I remember it was in summer. I checked in to the hotel on a Friday evening for a corporate event that lasted the weekend. It was a five star hotel but indulge me to reserve the name, at the risk of negative publicity. The ambience was good, the service was top notch and the food was quite appealing. Every moment counted for a good experience until the very last minute which I call memorable. I learnt a lesson that has come to shape my reasoning forever after.

I think that passion is much deeper in meaning than we usually ascribe to it. Very often, we use the word ‘passion’ loosely but the emotional attachment to the word activates positive energy that is difficult to ignore. Passion defies the odds and it could be addictive but in a positive way. It is not difficult to identify your passion. There is a leading question that can point you to the way of what you are passionate about. What is that thing you derive so much satisfaction doing that you will still enjoy doing even when there is no financial rewards? To some, it is a straight answer while to others, some deeper thinking is needed before they can answer.

It takes discipline for anyone to accept criticisms, even when the criticisms are constructive and objective. Very few people, if at all, enjoy to hear from people who don’t share their views on any matter. An average human being would prefer to hear himself through others who share his own views. As close as your nose is to your eyes, you will need the help of another person to see a spot on your nose except you use the mirror. A possible interpretation here is to say that the closest person to you may not be the person you need most if you care to know how well you are doing.

Some events do not need our permission to find a space in our consciousness. Like it or not, you cannot wish Valentine’s Day away even if you don’t believe in it. Irrespective of your faith, Christian, Muslim, Hindus or even if you are a free thinker, whichever of the stories about St. Valentine’s Day you choose to believe, one thing that is not controvertible is that love is at the centre of valentine. When love leads, there is less strive and more peace. The good thing is that it is more natural to love than to hate. This is why children are the best definition of love. Put children of different backgrounds together and you will see boundless love on display. They disagree, they quarrel but the next minute, they are together again. Children don’t usually know the meaning of hate until they are conscious enough to start adding meaning to words and actions. This they learn with age and from adults.