She is my friend of many years, we shared a dream. We were lovers with mutual feelings to say it the way it is. Fate separated us but without any ill feeling. The distance is wide but the days are long gone, when you could hide behind your shadow and still feel secure. Internet knows about you probably more than you know yourself.
If I had known she was watching me, perhaps I would have been more deliberate. I thought it was left to me when I write and when I don’t. Nothing suggested to me I owe more than mere explanation for a break I granted myself without approval.
My phone rang and it was my old friend in soft tone. She wanted to know for how long this away without leave would last. I wondered aloud which leave she was talking about. She reminded me of something I called pen holiday a while ago.
Oh! That one? I told my ex I’m not even on vacation, just that a moment of solitude is desirable for interlude and gratitude. If not for anything but to rejig and rejuvenate.
I asked my friend, you mean you silently follow me and I never knew? She tipped me, only good should I do always because nothing is ever hidden under the sun. Not even now that the walls are full of ears in an internet enabled air that flows in the atmosphere.
I told my friend my “Oga Madam” at home has even given me marching order to end the break. That my pen has rested enough the ink must be dripping by now. Since my “Oga Madam” has spoken, the holiday has ended. Some orders are better obeyed in my best interest.
This tete a tete with my ex was almost entering an intimate level suggestive of feelings of nostalgia. Something crept into my head that old friends are still the best. Quickly, I countered the thought that ex lover is a big exception.
Hmmm. Dangerous, I mused. This conversation must be paddled to a safe conclusion. If only to save us both from betraying our fragile emotions. But how do I end this conversation and not leave a sour taste on the tongue? For this dialogue that has kept us both in a world of fantasy. Still it has to end or else we start a journey too dangerous to venture.
Madam, how is your hubby and your lovely children? I quipped. Daddy must really be taking care of you, the sound of your voice is a true reflection. My ex caught the gist and teased me also in soft tone yet again. That even me, “Oga Madam” must be doing a good job the way I sound. We blushed. That was a smart way to detour from a journey of no return. We are both human, aren’t we?
The story above, though a fiction, is not without its lessons. It summarises my experience in these past four weeks of my pen holiday. Many readers came to my wall to warn that I should never nurse the idea to stop writing. Some would call to say they usually look forward to my daily nuggets, asking – what is Akin going to say today again.
Majority that called turned out to be my silent followers, who never say a word but silently flip the pages to see my work. Many who inspire me daily with kind words on the pages called to probe my silence.
My pen itched, no doubt, but I resisted the urge in full compliance. To some, I even had to promise a quicker return. My apologies, it’s not in my character to break my promise. Only that I chose to respect myself the way I owe you the same respect. I have learnt, I have taught and I have come to realise, that respect for self is a precursor to respect for others.
A lot has happened since when last I pended my pen that stirred my silence, but this space is small there is more to touch in the days to come.
Now that the holiday is over, how else do I say I’m grateful to you all but to come here to say I’m back? Not only refreshed, but strong, agile and well inspired. Suffice to say I’m humbled to be back to keep your company.
I am back.
©️Akin Oluwadare Jnr
31 October 2022
