If you are used to saying yes all the time, it is not easy to say no but no is an answer. No may not be an affirmative word but it does not connote outright negativity too. This is not forgetting that some negatives actually translate to positive. Example is HIV negative. There are more, if you do a quick scan. Given a second opportunity, some things you hitherto said yes to will attract a no answer from you. Likewise, the no you said before could turn to a yes if you had more time to think through it before you gave your verdict.

I imagine a world without competition, life will be so dull, isn’t it? Of a truth, life without competition will not only be uneventful, it will be uninspiring. Competition breeds invention, particularly when it is healthy. More often we talk about the gains of team work. If we agree that competition ignites innovation, is there a place then for competition in the spirit and letter of teaming? It sounds like a contradiction, isn’t it? Competition is not bad but a lot has to do with the motive of the competitor to determine the end goal. For competition that is well intended, there is usually an unspoken component that tends towards collaboration. Ubuntu is a Zulu language. It simply translates to “I am because you are”. It means humanity towards others. Ubuntu means togetherness. If you like, you can call it collaboration over competition.

Empowerment is a commonly used word that I believe should provoke a discourse to avoid misuse. For an undiscerning mind, I fear that enslavement could be mistaken for empowerment. If you are successful, it is most likely that you want your children to take after you. It is also likely that you would prefer your children don’t make the mistakes you made on your path to success. If we all agree that the road to success is laden with missteps and mistakes, expecting your child to do things the way you did it is like saying s/he should also make the mistakes you made.

If you know how to ask questions, you are most likely to know how best to answer questions. Knowing how to answer questions is as important as knowledge itself. Communication is two way and listening has been proven to be an integral part of communication. Great leaders are listeners. They not only ask questions, they listen. What is communication if not to pass your message to sell yourself, your idea or your product to the would-be buyer? Be that as it may, some things are better not said except you are asked.

I have read a lot about purpose. I have heard about influence. I have not only been led, I have had the privilege to lead. I have taught and I have written on leadership and leadership development. Studies revealed to me that leadership and influence are strongly connected. Leadership involves influencing others to a particular way of reasoning or doing things to achieve a desired objective. One common denominator to leadership and influence is purpose. It applies to every individual or a group of two or more. What is your reason? What do you set out to achieve? That is your purpose. One of the ways to know if you are achieving your purpose is to weigh the impact you are making on others. After all no man is an island unto himself.

I once bumped into a conversation where someone asked what is the best time for one to plan for his retirement. Stretched a little further, what is the best time to plan for old age? This question is often reserved for middle aged and working class but I believe it is a question to be directed at everybody, even life starters. In essence, my message is for all my readers. In my opinion, the best time to plan for old age was the moment you became conscious of yourself. If you did not do it then, the next best time to plan for your retirement is now. Important as it is, the anxiety that surrounds retirement could make one to get immersed in planning for the future to forget the now. You have to live in the now before you can enjoy life in the after now.

Seeing me pose with my flowing ‘agbada’, my friend teased me if I have joined Nollywood but I quickly reminded him that in my native language, civilian government is called ‘Ijoba Alagbada’. This is me, standing with my country in this election week. Nollywood has done so well. Headquartered in Nigeria, Nollywood is the fastest growing movie industry in the world and the second largest after Hollywood, headquartered in the United States of America. Nollywood has a lot in common with Hollywood, not necessarily in storylines and local content but in the system of government of their host countries. If you see the political class in Nigeria modeling America, now you know why. Imitation is an acceptable tool in politics and governance. Only that the full benefit of imitation may elude you if you only wish for the gain but not the pain. Example is when you borrow from America but choose to do it the Nigerian way. Call it Hollywood in Nollywood.

Amidst the vicissitudes of life, what sustains man the most is hope. Many who are going through stuff keep going because there is hope to cling to. This hope keeps assuring them that things can only get better. Remove that hope and all will be lost. Hope applies in all situations. When the going is good, you hope it will be better. When better beckons, you begin to hope for the best. Even the worst situation still hopes that bad times will turn to good and better will turn to best. However, to keep hope alive is not the same as to hope on hope. If your hope has to depend on another hope, you are hoping on hope. You could lose control and not be in charge. That is a dangerous way to live.

I once asked myself why two people in love would suddenly fall out of mutual feelings for each other, sometimes to the point of irritation. I still wonder why two people who could hardly do things without each other would suddenly find pleasure anywhere else but the company of the once beloved partner. Many times, things degenerate to the point of resentment that separation becomes an option. Sometimes, things become irreparable that either party begins to contemplate outright divorce. I think beauty is relative, just like success. At different stages in life, what counts as beauty for one may not make meaning to the other. Marriage is a good example.

Recently, I did an audit of my friends list to be sure that I am not depleting my network of friends. As a social and political animal that I am, it is practically impossible not to have my opinion on how I am governed. I realised that a good way to preserve my circle of friends is to avoid deep political conversation with some of them who are so convicted about their political beliefs and would yield to no view different from what they desire. Nothing divides like politics but nothing unites like politics. It sounds like a paradox but don’t they say the only permanent aspect of politics is interest? I have seen erstwhile sworn enemies unite, in quest for power, to the consternation of their observers. It is what it is.